Haven't we met before?

2017

POV Alex

As I walk down the long corridor to the lift that will take me to my ward, my eyes are naturally drawn to the drenched windows that normally provide the corridor with daylight. But as it is already 10.30 in the evening, it is dark outside. Dark and dreary, which is exactly the way I feel right now, I think to myself.

Tomorrow, right after my night shift, I have an appointment with my oncologist, and I’m so nervous I can only hope he hasn’t found any new cancerous growths.

Luckily the lift is empty so I can fix the headscarf I’ve got wrapped around my head. Even though my hair is starting to grow back a bit, I find it embarrassing to show everyone my frizzy ball of hair, especially in combination with the thick, bloated head the medication has given me....

Sighing, I look at myself in the reflection of the stainless steel wall. I was never a particularly beautiful woman, but now I look downright ugly. Not only is my face bloated, but even the thick layer of make-up cannot hide the bags under my eyes and the poor condition of my skin.

~PING~

The lift has reached its destination. The door slides open slowly and I step into the ward. It is eerily quiet, but then I hear the murmur of my colleagues in the distance, probably having just finished their last round and pouring themselves a final cup of tea.

As I walk towards the nursing station, I’m confronted by a strange smell. I recognise the usual hospital scents, but this one is very familiar and I feel anger rising in me.

How dare they?

I stomp over to the room where the smell is coming from and throw the door open with a loud bang.

A gigantic man was leaning against the windowsill, looking at me in astonishment as he takes a drag from his cigarette.

“Can I help you?” His dark voice sounds confused and his eyes take me in from head to toe.

“Are you out of your fucking mind? What kind of idiot lights a cigarette in a hospital?”

I can clearly see that the man is many times my size, but I don’t care. I walk towards him, snatch the cigarette out of his hand and walk with it to the sink, where I put it out under the tap.

I turn back to the man with an angry face. “The next time you light one of those cancer sticks here on the ward, I will call security and have you thrown out! Am I making myself clear?!”

The surprise that was initially on the man’s face slowly begins to fade, giving way to anger.

Slowly he gets to his feet and my heart skips a beat as I watch him rise. He is gigantic! But I don’t back down and continue to look at him sternly. My gaze remains fixed on the giant as I hear people coming this way in the corridor.

He may be big and covered in tattoos, but that doesn’t give him the right to ignore the rules, especially in this ward. There are people in various stages of cancer on my ward, some of whom may not even make it to the end of the week, so I don’t care how big he is, he has to behave just like anyone else...

“Who the hell do you think you’re dealing with? I’m not one of those meek sheep you usually have on the ward..” his voice rises, but instead of intimidating me, it only fuels my anger.

“If I want to smoke a fag, I fucking will! It’s not like it’s going to make me any sicker than I already am! So have the guts to take my cigarette away from me one more time and...”

By now I am red-hot with rage and I lean my face towards him.

“Or what?” I almost spit.

Our noses nearly touch as he bends his face towards me. “Don’t think I won’t rattle a woman! You have no idea what it feels like when your body betrays you! You just parade around here with your white scrubs, pretending you know what you’re talking about, telling us how bad you feel for us! But you have no idea, lady! No idea what it’s like to have this fucking disease!”

He spits out the words, and although there is a fierce fire in his eyes, I also see a glimmer of fear in them.

With a hand that trembles with anxiety and anger at the same time, I reach for my head and pull the scarf from my head.

His eyes widen at the sight of my short hair and he pulls his face away from me.

“Next time, think before you make such an incredibly stupid remark...”

I feel my eyes start to burn and with a rough gesture I push the giant aside and head for the door. I turn to face him once more.

“But I mean it! The next time you light up a cigarette in this hospital, I’ll make sure you get the kicked out!” And I walk out, almost bumping into my colleagues Chantal and Kim, who are huddled around the corner of the room.

I want to say something, but a thick lump forms in my throat and I quickly walk towards the changing room. On the way there, I felt a big tear start to make its way down my cheek. Damn it! Why am I such an emotional bitch?

As I stuff my bag into my locker, I hear the door open behind me.

“Are you all right?” Chantal has entered the changing room and although I know she means well, I don’t feel like talking. So I stay with my back to her, pretending to look for something in my bag.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just angry for a moment because that idiot had lit a cigarette when he knows damn well it is forbidden here.... I just don’t like people who think the rules don’t apply to them.”

Looking down, I notice that my hands are shaking and for a moment my attention is taken away from Chantal. Then I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently.

“You’ll have the results tomorrow, won’t you?”

And with these concerned words, the floodgates open...