GSFC: Waiting in the Endzone

GSFC: Waiting in the Endzone

Sean

Not even the cold weather could numb the pain that was to follow Nolan’s next words,

“I’m sorry Sean, I didn’t want it to go this way. You really are amazing.”

“I’m clearly not that amazing.” I thought to myself as I looked over at Reed. I hadn’t realized I was saying that out loud until I noticed Nolan look at me with a pained expression. I had meant to keep that to myself but it’s like my words left my mouth before I could swallow them back.

I should have seen this coming. I should have never even asked Nolan out to begin with. I think I always knew she liked Reed, but with him being so caught up with Tatum, I figured Nolan would eventually move on. I had hoped that I could be enough for her. Thinking back, I did see the way she looked at him, and how she just seemed a little brighter when he was around. Or how her attention increased just a little more whenever I mentioned him. I guess I was just ignoring the stuff I didn’t want to see. I was lying to myself, hoping her feelings for Reed would fade away.

I needed to warm up for the next event, but my body felt heavy. I walked over to sit on the bleachers and placed my head in my hands. I needed silence.

I’m not sure how long I was sitting there before I felt the first and last person I wanted to talk to right now sit down beside me, Reed. He was waiting for me to speak, I know. Clearing my throat, I finally said the words out loud, “Me and Nolan broke up.”

“I’m really sorry man.” he said, “what happened?” I could feel from the corner of my eye that he was looking for my reaction when he asked. I didn’t want to completely give Nolan’s secret away, if a secret is what you could call it. Either way, it wasn’t my place to tell Reed that she was in love with him. If he couldn’t see it, then he didn’t deserve her.

“We just weren’t right for each other.” I said hesitantly, “We never should have went out.”

“Don’t say that-” he started before I could cut him off.

“No man, seriously.” I shook my head, choosing my words carefully, I told him, “She was never going to love me the same.”

I heard footsteps move quickly beside us, I hadn’t even looked up or around to check for anybody listening. I’m pretty sure that was just Tatum though, and she would find out soon enough.

Reed and I sat there in silence for a little while longer, until we heard Nolan’s race being called. I told Reed that I needed to go find my gym bag and started to make my way across the track where I had it last. I was sort of walking in a daze when my focus started to click back into place after I heard Tatum’s voice yelling from clear across the field.

“...and you need to back off, trailer trash!” I looked over and saw Tatum standing over Nolan, drawing a crowd. I changed directions to go over and help when Tatum brought her arm back and slapped Nolan hard across her face. And spit. That’s when I ran.

By the time I got to Nolan, her face was already red and welting. I pulled a gym towel out from the pocket of my joggers and started wiping away the spit.

“It’s going to bruise Noles. I hate to tell you. What the hell? Are you ok? She went all ape shit on you!” my words were coming out fast, but I was shocked and worried for Nolan. No matter how upset I was by our breakup, no one deserves to be assaulted or spat on.

My heart felt crushed when clarity started to reach her eyes again. She didn’t look at me or into my eyes, and I didn’t need to turn around to know that she was looking at Reed.

……2 weeks later……

Becky

We were in our last few weeks of Sophomore year, finals were over, and summer was quickly approaching. I loved summer, because my mom worked a lot, so I spent a lot of time home by myself to do whatever.

Not that I didn’t like being around my mom, but I normally kept to myself, and I didn’t have a lot of friends. My mom didn’t really understand that. She pushed me to go out and hang out with anybody who would give me the time of day. In fact, this year is probably the first year I could actually call anybody a friend. I played sports and had teammates, but most of my experience with friends was with girls like Tatum. They were catty and vindictive, so I chose to remain alone. There was something different about Nolan though. After the way she kept silent of her torture at Tatum’s sleepover, I knew she didn’t have a vengeful bone in her body. I never felt judged by her either. Then she introduced me to Sienna and Sarah.I had been hanging out with them more these last few weeks, and was starting to inch more and more out of my comfort zone, and even hoping for some real summer fun this year.

I was grabbing a burger with Nolan and Sienna and we were gushing about our summer plans. Nolan had her heart set on getting a job, and aside from maybe learning a new instrument and hanging out with Micah, Sienna didn’t have much else lined up. We all agreed to hang out more; shopping trips, movie nights, and sleepovers were all making it to the itinerary.

…………………………………….

Saturday night came and my mom had gone into the city for the night. She worked as a manager for a concert venue and would sometimes spend the night there. Sometimes I would go with her, but I didn’t feel like being in a hotel room all night. I was home alone and had the house to myself. Taped to the fridge was a note from mom to call her if I needed her, and some money for pizza. I was looking up the number on my phone when I got a text from Nolan.

Hey! Got any plans tonight?

Not exactly. Why?

Wanna go see a movie with me, Reed, and Sean?

With Reed and Sean? I had imagined for a minute that it would be kind of awkward. I knew them, but didn’t know them well enough to call them friends. And I knew that there was some sort of weird love triangle going on with them. Well, I guess not anymore since Nolan and Sean’s breakup. And obviously he doesn’t hold any grudges against her since he’s willing to hang out with them. I debated on going out or staying in for a while. I had become really good friends with Nolan, and I knew she was careful about the kind of people she hung out with. After weighing my pros and cons; staying home alone, or being social, I decided it was time for me to get out.

Sure, sounds fun!

Great! We’ll pick you up at 7?

Actually, I can just meet you guys there?

I was comfortable hanging out with them but I still needed to take baby steps. Going to a movie was one thing, but being stuck in a car with nowhere to go was another.

Ok, just meet us in the front around 7 then! Reed already bought our tickets.

I wasn’t sure how I should dress. I didn’t want to overdress for just a movie, but I wasn’t sure how casual this outing would be. I liked to be comfortable at the theater. Since nights were still cool, I settled for a pair of black bike shorts that came down to mid-thigh, and my oversized CHS hoodie. For shoes, I went with my Birkenstocks over a pair of tie dye socks, only because I liked to kick my shoes off during a movie.

After adding a little blush and mascara to make myself look more alive, I grabbed my keys and wallet and headed for the door.

Sean

There weren’t a lot of good spots left, I guess being a Saturday night and all.Reed found what was quite possibly the farthest spot in the whole lot. It was closer to the highway than it was to the building. We were currently making our way to the front doors of the theater.

I was only half paying attention to everything. Mine and Nolan’s breakup was still a little fresh, and while it didn’t hurt to be around her anymore, I was kind of feeling like a third wheel.

As we approach the front doors Nolan says, “Hey, let me call Becky and see where she’s at before we go inside.”

“You invited someone else?” I was genuinely surprised, because again I was only half paying attention to Reed when he started asking me about going to a movie with Nolan.

“Dude, I said Nolan and a friend.” Reed pointed out then looked to Nolan, “You said Becky was meeting us here, right?”

“Yeah, let me call her to see where she’s at before we go inside.”

Being slightly taller, I made a quick scan of the crowd in the front and spotted her. “No need, she’s over there.” I said and pointed over to the large fountain where Becky was standing in front of.

Nolan bounced over to her with her arms outstretched and gave her a big hug in greeting. Becky hugged her back, then looked at me and Reed and gave us a simple “Hey.” with a smile. We made eye contact briefly before she quickly looked down.

Her absolutely no effort, half dressed look was kind of cute. And I wasn’t used to seeing girls at our school pick comfort over style, especially when they knew that Reed was going to be in the same place.

“Well I’ve got the tickets on my phone, should we head inside?” Reed said, holding out his cell. We all agreed and made our way to the doors. I jogged a bit in front of the group so I could hold the door open. Nolan walked in first with Reed following quickly behind her, then last was Becky. She looked up at me as she walked in and said “thank you” in the quietest voice. If I hadn’t been watching her mouth, I might have missed it.

I followed the group, just a few paces behind Becky. Her hair, even though it was up, I could tell was really long since the pony tail made it mid way down her back. She was tugging at her hoodie, trying to get it to cover more but without any luck. I allowed my eyes to trail further down her body. Damn, Becky had a nice ass.

And of course, like she was reading my mind, that was the moment when she took the opportunity to glance behind her. I tried to play it off real quick, “I like your socks.” real smooth. I knew she didn’t buy it either because her face turned really red. She turned back around and went to one of the many concession stands. Reed and Nolan were in the line beside hers, so I decided to join Becky in her line.

Becky

Oh my God. I definitely underdressed. Why didn’t I at least throw on a pair of jeans? I’m trying to be comfortable in my decision, but I keep tugging on my hoodie to make it longer. And why did he have to comment on my socks? Like I can’t be the only person who likes to be comfortable during a movie. And Sean was so gorgeous!

Of course I had known Sean for a while, we’d only been going to the same school for as long as I could remember. I always thought he was attractive and nicer than most of the guys at Coolidge, but he never gave me any sort of attention. Not that I was looking for any either. I hadn’t really dated much, so I tended to get tongue tied around guys. Especially the cute ones.

I was in the line for snacks when I felt Sean get in line behind me. Or I guess you could say I smelled him first. He had a musky ambrette scent that made me want to bury my face in his neck. He leaned in closer to my ear to speak, “What are you getting?” he asked.

I tilted my head a bit in thought. I had really only gotten in line to get away from him, but I can’t really admit that I had no intention of buying any snacks.It was my turn in line now, so when I was asked by the cashier what I wanted, I just settled on my go-to movie candy.

“A coke please, and some chocolate raisins.”

Sean stepped up to the counter beside me and added to my order, “Make that two cokes, and add a small popcorn please.”

I looked at him, stunned at first and then defensively when he pulled out his wallet to pay.

“No, I can pay for my own.”

“I know,” he says, “but my mom taught me how to be a gentleman. And when you’re at the movies with a pretty girl, you don’t let her buy her own snacks.”

The room definitely got hotter by at least a hundred degrees. I looked down real quick to hide the redness in my cheeks and told him thanks with a smile.

“My pleasure.” he smiled back.

Sean

The movie was both too long and not long enough. I wanted desperately to keep talking to Becky, and would have given anything to be watching her instead of the screen. Though that hadn’t stopped me from stealing a few glances here and there. I like the way she kicked her shoes off and curled her legs up in the reclining leather seat. Once the movie was over, I was bummed because that meant that my night with Becky was also coming to an end.

I had her text me when she got home that night. It was the smoothest and most considerate way I could ask for her number.

I started and deleted a countless number of texts to her. Why had I never talked to Becky before? We both did track and field, and I’ve had her in numerous classes since grade school, but I knew absolutely nothing about her and I was desperate to find out everything. I started asking around but it seemed like no one, besides Nolan, really knew or hung out with Becky.

Slowly, I started seeing her around a bit more. She was coming over to Reed’s house for hang outs, and meeting us for burgers at MicNic’s. About the only thing I knew about her at this point was that she drove a Toyota Corolla and her mom worked in the city a ton. The thought of her being home alone a lot made me uneasy. I made sure she always texted me once she got home from an outing, and would sometimes text her to make sure she was okay. I would try to ask her other things, but was a little scared of being rejected. Her and Nolan were good friends, so what if there was some kind of girl code on dating exes.

Becky

They say that our minds remember things most when they’re out of the ordinary. It’s the reason we can remember the tiniest detail from the most random days, but then forget something that happened last Tuesday. These last few weeks had been filled with so many out of ordinary days of being alone. But more importantly, these small moments with Sean were being embedded perfectly into my memory. Summer was really just starting and my mom was gone a lot. Thankfully, I had a good group of friends to keep me company, and I think Sean was maybe starting to like me as more than a friend. Or maybe I was just reading too much into his expressions, or his need to be close to me when we went places.

Reed was throwing a small pool party at his place today, and I was actually eager to get out of the house. Either I was feeling social or really wanted to see Sean again. I wanted to text him, and would start messages to him often, but decided against it each time.

I liked Sean, but I didn’t want to jeopardize my friendship with Nolan. I didn’t think she would mind, but having a friend on this level was still very new to me.

I was getting ready for the party when my phone rang. My heart leaped out of my chest the moment I saw Sean’s name. “Hello?” I answered.

“Hey, you’re coming to Reed’s today right?” he asked. I swear his voice was like a vitamin that I needed to take everyday in order to live sustainably.

“Yes, of course, “ I replied.

“Do you think I could come and get you? And we could like, I don’t know, go together?” He sounded so nervous and it was still so cute.

I didn’t really know what to say because I hadn’t talked to Nolan yet about maybe dating Sean. I obviously didn’t think she would mind, and I’m pretty sure she was aware of my crush on him, but I still didn’t want to disrespect her in any way. However, he only asked if we could go together. It’s not like he was asking for my hand in marriage. I agreed and he said he would pick me up around 2.

Being in Sean’s truck felt like the most natural thing in the world. Which was odd, because for me, I liked to be in control of where I went and when, and the radio, and I was so used to silence that I was afraid we would have nothing to talk about.

He passed me his phone which was connected to his speaker, “Here, you can listen to whatever you’d like. You can change the station too, if you’d like.”

His thoughtfulness made me smile, “What do you like?” I asked.

“I want to listen to whatever you like to listen to. Put on your absolute favorite song.”

I searched through his music app until I found my favorite song, buried under countless variations and other chart toppers from the band, and hit play.

Waterloo Sunset by The Kinks starting playing through the speakers.

There’s a vulnerability in playing your favorite song for someone else. What if they don’t like it? Or what if they don’t understand it? It’s almost like putting a part of you on display for someone to possibly cut down.

“It’s got a good sound,” Sean said, bobbing his head to the tune, “I’ve honestly never heard it.”

“Yeah, when The Kinks came out, I think they were sort of drowned in the Beatlemania. I came across this song once on an oldies station and it sort of resonated with me. It’s been my favorite ever since.”

Sean furrows his brow as Ray Davis sings in the background “...they don’t need no friends. As long as they gaze up waterloo sunset they are in paradise.”

“Do you spend a lot of time alone?” he asks me.

“I do. Or I did anyway, until I met Nolan. I’ve just preferred my own company for a while.”

We made it to Reed’s so he parked and looked at me for a long moment.

“What?” I asked.

He reached out his hand and placed it gently on top of mine. “I want you to know that I think you are incredible. I feel so stupid having let you slip by me in the past. And I want to get to know you better.”

My heart was pounding so fast, and I could barely register what Sean was saying. I wanted this, but I have never let myself be so open with anyone before. He was staring at me now expectantly, waiting for me to respond.

“I have to think about it.” I said in a shaky voice.

Think about what exactly? I was so angry with myself in that moment, but it was too late for me to explain myself.

“Yeah, no… take your time. I just wanted to be straightforward with you.” Sean said as he stepped out of his truck. I almost cried when he still came around to open my door.

Sean

What was I even thinking? She hardly knew anything about me and here I was wanting to go out with her. I opened the passenger door for her, and reached out my hand to help her out.

“Sean, I-” she started.

“It’s okay. Really.” I assured her. “There are no hard feelings at all. And I want us to still be friends.” I gave her a smile and a quick hug before we headed inside the house.

Nolan was here already, helping Buck prepare the food for the grill. Becky rushed toward her, and they shared a hug before she started whispering in Nolan’s ear. Talking about me, no doubt. I hurried out back to find Reed.

“Hey man!” Reed called from the other side of the large patio. “Can I get a hand with these coolers?” I grabbed two bags of ice and walked over to Reed.

“What’s eating you?” he asks after seeing my face.

“I asked Becky out. She turned me down.”

“You’re lying. She’s way into you, Nolan told me so.”

“Well, I asked her out and she said she had to think about it.”

“So she didn’t turn you down?”

“She might as well have! I thought she liked me, I guess I was reading too much into things.”

The last thing I could handle right now was another Nolan experience. Things with Nolan were fine now, of course, but I don’t think my ego could take coming in second place once again.

Especially with Becky. Ever since that first night at the movies, she’s had this gravitational pull on me.

“Dude, she said she would think about it. In her defense, you haven’t really known her that long, or ever made an effort to know her until recently. It kind of looks like she’s a rebound. I think it’s up to you to show her that she’s not.”

I let that sink in for a minute. I knew that Becky kept to herself, and I didn’t know the reasons behind her isolation, but I wanted her to trust me. More importantly, I wanted her to like me.

Becky hadn’t tried avoiding me during the party. She stayed pretty close to me, as usual and we even played a game of chicken where she let me carry her on my shoulders. She was being her normal, seemingly comfortable self. The day was coming to an end and everyone was about done with cleanup, “Will you still take me home?” she asked, “It’s okay if I’m too out of the way, Nolan said she could give me a ride if I needed it-”

“No.” I interrupted. “I’ll take you home.”

We rode in comfortable silence mostly, until I was only a few miles away from her house.

“I wanted to talk to Nolan first.” she said softly.

“About what?”

“About us. That was- well one of- the things I needed to do before I agreed to dating you.”

“Oh.” I said surprised. “But Nolan broke up with me.”

“I know. And I didn’t think she’d have any problem. It’s just something I felt like I needed to do first.”

“And what did Nolan say?”

“Well, she all but pushed me into your arms tonight.” Becky laughed, and it was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard. “I’ve never really put myself out there before. And it might take a while for me to open up to you. I just wanted you to know that first.”

“Well it’s a damn good thing I’m patient.” I smiled. I couldn’t help but smile when I talked to Becky.

We pulled into her driveway which was empty. Her car was parked on the street. It looked pretty dark inside her house.

“Is your mom home?” I asked.

“No. She’s working in the city tonight. She’ll be home tomorrow.”

I winced. Another night of her being alone. “Will you text me when you get home?”

“I will.” I responded, and wished her a good night.

I waited in my truck outside of her house for about 15 minutes and decided to call her.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I made it home.” I lied. “I just wanted to see what you were doing.”

“Oh you know, I just got home. I was with a really cute guy just now.”

“I’m already jealous. How could I ever compete with such a great guy.”

She laughed again and I realized I was starting to crave that sound.

I stayed parked outside her house while we talked for an hour. I watched the lights turn on and off in different parts of the house while I listened to her talk wistfully about her life and future aspirations until she fell asleep, and I finally hung up and drove home.

Becky

I was at home one evening counting all of my “pizza” money when Sean made another one of his nightly calls. I had been getting used to him calling every night before bed, and found that I was falling very fast for him. He understood me most of the time, without me needing to find the words. He took his time with me when it came to my opening up and I had never been so comfortable with anybody in my life. He was someone I wanted to share all of my stories with.

“Hey you!” I answered.

“Hey, are you busy?”

“Not yet.” I smiled. Knowing that this was how our last few dates had started. He would call and ask if I was busy and then when my answer was no, he would tell me where he was taking me out that evening.

Just then a knock sounded on my door.

“Uh, just a sec. Somebody’s here.”

Opening my door, there was Sean, looking as handsome as ever. I was standing in my doorway wearing a goofy smile, no doubt. Before I could ask what he was doing here, he moved a step closer to me, “I was planning on spending my night alone. But then I thought of how much I wanted to see you, so I thought we could spend the night alone together.”

In that moment, I saw how easy it would be for me to fall in love with Sean. I dreamed of a future with him filling in all the empty spaces and dark corners of my mind. I stepped closer to him, our bodies pressing together, and reached my hands up to touch his face.

“I’m in danger of falling hard for you Sean. And I don’t think I care to be alone anymore. Unless I’m alone with you that is!” I laughed.

I lifted my chin and pressed my lips to his. Kissing him slowly at first and then hungrily. I wanted him to know that I was all in and that I completely trusted him. I let him kiss away my worries and every last bit of lonely away.

I had a feeling that I would never have to spend a night alone again.