Reed
For too long I used my arm as an excuse to keep Nolan away. As much as I wanted to see her, I would not subject her to my mother, or my mother’s toxic behavior, after what happened that night. I was so thankful she walked away from that crash with only a few bruises because I couldn’t live with myself if something worse happened. My dad sued the crap out of that driver, but it wasn’t gonna take back this broken arm.
When Nolan left me in the hospital, I saw hope and love in her eyes, but in mine? Anger and sadness. Desolation. My quarterback season senior year ripped away from me as fast as we drove off the road in the desert. I imagined how much work it would take to strengthen my shriveled muscles once the cast’s cut off, but they already told me I was missing the first five games of the season, including homecoming.
Fuck this broken arm. It hurt like hell, and a dull ache lingered with every dose of meds. I stared at the plaster covering the mending limb. All I ever wanted was a career in pro ball, and now I might not even have a college chance.
“I’ll be in my room,” I told my dad to escape his expectant looks and worry over my well-being. He hadn’t asked yet, but I knew he wondered why Nolan hadn’t come over. No doubt she wondered why I hadn’t asked her. She didn’t need my self-pity. I’ve already dragged her through so much, I didn’t need to drag her down with me now. She needed to enjoy the rest of her summer break without her boyfriend making her miserable.
My buddy, Sean, sent me a text as I sprawled on my bed. He invited me to drop by Nolan’s shift at MicNic’s for a burger tonight. I faked dinner plans with dad and told him I’d catch him later. Texting with a cast sucked. I felt like a five-year-old pecking at the screen while I balanced the phone on my chest with my immobile arm.
I opened Nolan’s texts and read what we’ve said over the last month. She worried about me even if she acted all casual, and I wanted nothing more than to see her face. She had a face that was so beautiful, it hurt to look at her. It was one of the reasons I pushed her away for so long. She’d always been too good for me and I’d never understood why she chose me to love when I’d treated her the worst. But when she smiled that smile just for me…
The thought had me rushing back to the night of her birthday, and how she gave me the most special gift a girl could give a boy. The way she looked at me when I was inside her…my dick jumped at the memory. I laid my heart out to her that night. When she read those words I wrote, I thought she’d laugh in my face and tell me how ridiculous I sounded. Not my Nolan. I needed to see her. I needed to feel her body close to mine.
Come over I typed out and my thumb hovered over the send button in our text convo.
No, she’d be exhausted after her shift, and I shouldn’t interrupt her at work. If Sean’s there with his girl, they might hang out after, or maybe she and her best friend already had plans. I tossed the phone on the bed and rubbed my chest; the meds kicking in as the room dimmed with the setting sun.
Before I fell asleep, my door opened, and there Nolan stood. I didn’t remember sending the text, so she finally came on her own. So many times I wished for this, but never asked. She’d always been so respectful of my space, never hovering or pushing me like Tatum used to.
Nolan hesitantly crossed to the bed and smiled shyly. “Hey.”
I reached out my good arm and beckoned her with a grin. “Hey. I thought you were at work.”
She curled into my side on the bed, placed a soft kiss on my lips, and nuzzled into my throat before she splayed her warm fingers across my torso. I inhaled her scent, and my heart surged with the unhealthy amount of love I had for this girl.
“I missed you,” she sighed. I didn’t deserve her, but I had to be strong for both of us, so I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“I missed you too.” My eyes watered as I held her close.
After a few minutes, Nolan ran her fingers under my shirt and across my abs. “Still there,” she giggled.
“Yeah, still got ’em.” Daily jogs and weight training away from my mother helped my sanity. “You approve?” A growl and a playful scratch with her dull nails answered me, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay, tiger.”
Nolan lifted her head and extracted her hand from under my shirt to lightly trace my cast with her fingertips. “How does it feel?”
I shifted it to hide Calley’s and Tatum’s signatures, ashamed I hadn’t told her they were at my mother’s more than once. I’d never forgive myself for what Tatum did to her. When Nolan sniffled, I realized she was crying. I raked my fingers through her hair and wiped my thumb across her cheek as she leaned into my palm. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m so sorry,” she choked. Her chin quivered and her eyes welled with fresh tears. “If you weren’t taking me home…”
I didn’t understand what she was saying.
“If we had just stayed, then we never would have…”
I wasn’t sure what was making her so upset, but I didn’t enjoy watching her cry.
“… or maybe if we had left earlier …”
I wracked my brain for why my girl was apologizing to me.
“… if I hadn’t distracted you …”
Oh shit, this was about that night!
“Noles,” I coaxed. “You didn’t distract me.” I awkwardly lifted my cast, ignoring the stupid ache, to sweep the hair behind her ear with my fingertips. “You think the accident was your fault?”
The tears fell as she gulped. She nodded and dropped her face to my chest.
“Oh, baby,” I soothed, gripping her as tightly as I could with a lame arm. “It’s not your fault. Don’t ever think that.”
“But I should’ve skipped. I didn’t even want to go. It wouldn’t have happened…”
I stroked her hair with my free hand, hushing her. “It happened, but you came for me because I wanted you to. I will never blame you for that bitch texting while driving.” She hiccup-laughed at my last statement and twisted my shirt into her face to stifle her embarrassment.
No matter what happened with the lawsuit, I had to come back to that field stronger than ever. I had to show everyone a broken arm would not bury my dreams. Coach was already on board with getting me back to one hundred percent, but if we had any chance at all the first half of the season I’m benched, we had to get my backup ready.
“Well, I just ruined your shirt, so you can blame me for that.” Nolan mumbled into my chest before lifting her bloodshot eyes and red nose to my face. So damned beautiful even when distressed.
“Help me take it off,” I suggested, and she smirked before moving so I could sit up.
“Lift,” she commanded, and I watched her wrestle my sleeve past my cast until she tossed the shirt over her shoulder onto the floor. Her gaze returned to my bare chest, and I don’t want to say she looked like she wanted to eat me, but the hunger shone in her eyes.
“Come here,” I demanded and tugged her onto my lap.
She leaned forward, and I kissed her gently before coaxing her mouth open for more. Her hands ran up my face and into my hair as she crawled closer. Damn, I missed her. We made out in the dimming light, her fingers wrapped in my curls, and my palm gripping her butt through her jean shorts.
Our breaths heavy, she pressed herself closer. If she wanted us together again, I wouldn’t say no. Help me forget the pain for a little while, I thought when she pulled back to gaze into my eyes.
“Can we?” she squeaked. That’s all I wanted to hear. It’s been too long since our first time, and my misery needed to take a hike weeks ago.
“I want to,” I replied huskily. “Lock my door.”
My track star Nolan dashed to the door and secured it. On the way back to the bed, she put on a show of discarding her clothes while I searched for a condom in my dresser drawer. My boxers did little to hide her distraction, but they were already pitching anyway from our make-out session. I smiled at her awkward innocence and held my chuckle in check.
“Lie back. You don’t have to do a thing,” she instructed, her cheeks flushed over her amateur strip tease, and snatched the foil wrapper from my hand.
“That was so hot,” I encouraged her, and she pursed her lips in response, not believing me, so I asked, “Are you sure?” With my working arm, I reached for my boxers, but she was already wriggling them down my legs with the damn condom package hanging from her teeth, and that image burned into my brain for later usage. My head fell to my pillow. “Fuck, Nolan.”
“We will,” she murmured, tore the wrapper, and carefully slid the condom down my erection. She spent a minute admiring me, or maybe her handiwork, before climbing on top of me and kissing me hard.
“So hot,” I grunted and watched her hand guide me inside her. She felt as tight as the first time, and she winced before I was all the way in. “Does it hurt? We can stop.”
“No!” The vehement shake of her head bothered me, but I stayed still. When she started to move, my brain scrambled.
“Kiss me,” I rasped, and she obliged while we worked together to find a rhythm. Before long, we pumped and grinded like the lovesick teenagers we were, and her orgasm was the most glorious moment of my summer. I never wanted us to leave my bed again.
With her draped over me sweaty and panting, Nolan whispered, “I love you.”
I stroked her cheek and kissed her softly on the forehead, then the nose, then her lips. “I love you, Noles,” I whispered back. In my head, the words sighed: more than you will ever know.
“I wish I could stay,” she grumbled into my neck with a kiss before rolling off the bed. I wished I could time travel to the future to know if we’re gonna be okay. A future without Nolan terrified me, but she had no reason to stay if I couldn’t offer her everything this year. She had her own goals and dreams, and I wasn’t about to stand in her way for my own selfish needs.
Losing her warmth sent a chill through me, and I woke to my darkened bedroom. It took a moment to realize Nolan was nothing but a wet dream. I reached for my phone and checked our last texts. I never sent the last one, so I deleted it and dropped the phone on the bed as a knock hit my door.
“Yeah.” An involuntary shiver ran through me when I sat upright. Maybe Nolan read my mind and came over after all.
“Need anything?” My dad asked beyond the door. My heart sank. It’s not like Nolan to show up unannounced, so I had no reason to be disappointed.
“Nah, I’m good.” I needed to change my boxers. It’s not the first time she’d done this to me, but maybe it should be the last. The girl had no idea what she did to me daily between the memories we’ve made and my wildest fantasies.
“Good night then,” Buck answered.
“Night, Dad.” He lingered at the door longer than I liked before shuffling off to his room. I yanked the soiled shorts down with one hand, cleaned myself up, and tossed them into my hamper before putting on a fresh pair. I’d never take two hands for granted again.
When I came back to my dad’s, I told Nolan I was too tired to talk, and I’d make it up to her the next day. Which was today, and now today’s over. Not the first time I failed her. I forgot she had a shift tonight, so I hoped she’d forget my broken promise. We both will go back to practice this week at school. She’ll have volleyball, and I’ll have…to watch Kyle struggle at the thing I loved most.
With a sigh, I crawled under the covers and settled in for another depressing night of sleep. Recalling the nocturnal emission I just experienced only got me hard again, so I turned my thoughts to football and what I’d need to do to prove my value to the team while I stood on the sidelines.
*
I wanted to punt this kid across the field. We had zero chance of a winning season if Kyle wouldn’t get his game in gear. My frustration mounted from his overthrows and dropped passes. I drew blood biting my tongue not to go off on him. Our team needed to figure out a way to work under his leadership, not mine, but if today was any sign of his leadership potential, we’re screwed. I needed to heal sooner than the docs predicted, so our season wouldn’t be a total loss.
“Strategy meeting tomorrow in my office before practice,” Coach told me. “I saw you simmering out there, but we need to focus all that energy into your backup. Got it?”
I nodded. I trusted Coach to do his job with this one, but I needed something calming in my life after I walked off that field and out of the locker room. The guys let me go without a word. They knew how angry I felt. I wanted to rage, yet even more I wanted Nolan. She’d ground me. She’d remind me I’m better than this, and my team needed me now more than ever. My broken arm would not break my spirit. Not when I had a girlfriend and a team who believed in me.
It took Nolan forever to walk out the gym doors, and for a while I worried she’d left her car in the lot while she hung out with friends off campus. She had no reason to meet me after practice. It’s not like I texted her, telling her I’d see her in the usual spot. I really had been a crap boyfriend lately, so I hoped I could show her how much I still cared by buying her dinner. My stomach growled at the thought of food, and I waited patiently for those doors to swing open.
My heart stuttered when she finally appeared. Her gorgeous face inhaled the warm night air before she opened her eyes and found me in my place on the wall. Then she bit her lip, and my heart skittered into my throat over how damn adorable she looked. This girl was mine. I swallowed the remorse over how easy it was to push her away this summer after the accident. My self-preservation crumbled at the physical sight of her, and all I wanted was to turn back time and spend every free minute with her.
I’d make it up to her starting tonight. She looked a little scared as she approached, like I might bite her if she reached out her hand. Fuck, maybe I still wore the scowl from practice.
“Hey, you,” she practically whispered. I turned that frown into a smile and reached for her hand as I slid off the wall. When I leaned in, I kept our kiss light, concerned she’d revolt at the touch, but she didn’t. I think I told her I missed her, but the detachment in her eyes worried me. What wasn’t she telling me?
Her hand started sweating in mine as I guided her to her car. That hadn’t happened in years. She was definitely acting weird in front of me, but she’d tell me if I did something wrong. She’d gotten so much better at calling me on my shit. We loved each other, and she was standing there acting like she did when I took Stephanie to the homecoming dance last year. God, I still remembered how stunning Nolan looked in that dress.
When I asked her about dinner, instead of pushing her up against her car and making out with her right there in the parking lot over that memory, she freaking jumped out of her skin. Something was seriously wrong. She followed me back to the house so I could drop off the truck, but the entire way, I couldn’t stop thinking about her reaction to me outside the school. She kissed me back, sure, but she didn’t lean into me, or wrap her fingers around my neck: none of the stuff we were doing before the accident. Maybe when she looked at me, she remembered the aftermath and decided damaged goods were more than she signed up for.
The closer we got to MicNic’s, the more uneasy I felt. I had heard nothing from my boys, but maybe there’s some new guy at work she’d fallen for. Someone with two quality arms who knew how to treat her better than I could.
She didn’t really greet any of her coworkers differently than normal, so relief flooded me until I remembered her independent streak. I could see her ditching me for a drama free senior year. I always admired how strong and smart she was. How she stood up to the girls that bullied her like…
“…did Calley and Tatum sign your cast?” The hurt in her eyes gutted me. I learned nothing from my wet dream. What other gems did I miss when I imagined her in my arms?
Dinner wasn’t the same after her discovery. She didn’t accept my answer for why Calley and Tatum signed my cast, but she tried so hard to pretend. I never thought much about the chunk of plaster encasing my arm, other than I wanted it gone, so it’s not like I cared who signed or didn’t sign it. I wanted to forget this cast ever existed, and after that night, I blamed it for Nolan’s distance.
After our botched dinner date, she never felt present with me. I’d kiss her and hold her hand during school, but she never wanted more, never asked to hang. We were busy, so she did her thing, and I did mine. I focused on Kyle and the team. That was my number one priority. Whatever it took to get us a victory on the field, I would do, even when the little punk tested me to my limits. Sometimes I wanted to give up and hole up in my room, to forget about school and the love who haunted my dreams, but I had to make my dad proud. I had to follow Nolan’s lead and live up to my own standards, whether she was waiting for me on the sidelines or leaving me in the dust on the track.
